Friday, December 18

If not now probably later, and it'll be better.

Peace be upon you.

I finished my foundation last April.

That was about 9 months ago.
If I was pregnant I would’ve a baby by now. Ok kidding.

All of my friends only spent about 5 to 6 months of holiday after finishing our foundation back in UiTM Lendu. But for me, it was a 9 months holiday.
Oh hey, if I rajin lah. I wanna write about my journey doing Foundation in TESL at UiTM Lendu, Melaka. From the interview until I graduated. InshAllah.

It might sounds amazing having so much free time at home. Well, it was, at first. I didn’t just spend all of that time at home being a lifeless couch potatoes, I did some part time jobs. But leave that first, I’ll write about it in future post. Soon, I hope so.

The day I officially graduated from UiTM Lendu, I’ll describe it as bitter sweet.
Well it was saddening that you have to leave your best buddies behind (and I also broke up with my …) well let’s not talk about the latter. However the feeling of finally be able to get out of the place that had been torturing me for two semesters and the joy of going back home excites me more than anything else.

Well, to be honest, on the last day I’m at my college I did cry having to bid farewell to my friends. But hey, there’s always a goodbye to every hello. Life must go on aye?

But the joy of having freedom didn’t last that long for me. It only lasted for a few months until it started to turn into a long series of sadness and frustration.

Here’s why. Firstly, I wanted to do B. Ed. TESL for my degree. In order to do that, I have to undergo MeDSI Test. Unfortunately, I failed the test!
And you know what happened when I failed the test? Yes, I won’t be able to do B. Ed. TESL.

Time goes by as I see most of friends getting excited and freaking out over their upcoming interviews for TESL programs. UM, UiTM, USM, UKM, UPM, you name it.

The most torturous week for me during my holiday would be the week of the universities interviews. It was the week where all of my applications were rejected and I didn’t managed to go for any interview. It was the week where I spent every single day opening up universities portals just to reconfirm whether I get the interview or not or to make sure that probably it was a technical error tha my name wasn’t show up every time I checked the results. It was the week, where most of the Whatsapp groups were filled with the hoo-haa of their interview sessions. And it was the week, where I felt I wasn’t good enough for this world. Sobs.

It took me a month to finally accepting and redha *I think so* the bitter truth.

You know when you’re feeling down and sad, then people will always tell you that “oh takpe, ada rezeki kat tempat lain lah tu” or “jangan sedih sangat, some people had it worst”. At first I was so angry when I received this kind of advices or so-called ‘ayat motivasi’. To me, you wouldn’t know how it really feels unless it happened to you.

When things started to get better for me, then the time comes.

Another hell-week for me, it was the week where they announced the results for UPU. All I ever had in mind during that time was “fml fml fml”. Please don’t ask what is fml.

I was at the verge of giving up with life when I checked my UPU result. I was offered to do a course that I don’t like, in a university somewhere in Terengganu. You may guess but I wouldn’t say yes or a no.

Oh right, another thing that pissed me off was whenever people said that “takpe lah dapat course yang kau tak suka, cuba lah dulu. Tak kenal maka tak cinta” or something like “bersyukur je lah dah dapat tu, pergi je lah”.
This really makes me furious because to me, how would you like a course if it doesn’t suit your passion? As for examples, I’m the kind of person who hates science and mathematics or something that involves both such as physics. You cannot simply tell me that I’ll love Physics if I try it because I know my limits and my capabilities.

Secondly, by rejecting the offer, it doesn’t mean that I tak bersyukur or anything. You have to understand that, going to university involves a lot of money. Before you register, you must pay the fees first. And let me tell you, university fees are not just one or two bucks. And I came from a moderate family. Truth to be told, money is a big matter to my family as we are not a rich family. So, let me tell you I cannot just go do the course and hate myself for the next for years doing degree that I hate then I cannot keep up anymore and end up failing my degree. Who is going to give me money for that?

Back to the story, most of my friends get the university they wanted or at least the course they have been dying for. But I wasn’t. It was hard for me to accept the truth. I was depressed. I spent days locked up in my room crying and contemplating life.

Until, there’s one day I pray to Allah so that He will give me something better than what I got. My mom told me that praying alone wasn’t enough. Allah will never change the condition of a person until they change it themselves. So, I gather all my strength that still left behind and I started planning for my future.

So applied for university here and there, sent tons of application letters begging for the universities to accept me as their students. 

By the way, I’ll share my experience applying for university (after I failed UPU) in a different post as a guideline to help those who are facing the same situation as me. InshAllah.

So after months of struggling, Allah finally answers my prayers. Alhamdulillah!
I got an interview for doing B. Ed. TESL in UiTM and also I was offered to do degree in IIUM Bachelor of English Language and Literature. Two of my most wanted course and my dream university. Thanks to Him. It was worth the wait.

Oh and I’ll also be sharing about the interview for B. Ed. TESL in future post.



Jazzakallah.